Handling the Blacklash from Setting Boundaries

Anytime you decide to set any type of boundaries with people in your life, whether they are personal or professional, you must prepare yourself for the imminent backlash. It will come. We are creatures of habit; when you decide to change how you interact with someone, it rattles them. They are shocked, offended, confused, and instantly make it about them. What do they do? Why are you treating them like this? You’ve always allowed this; why are you changing now? If you are not careful, you could wind up being manipulated or guilt-tripped into compromising those newly set boundaries. The following tips will help you manage the initial stress of protecting your energy, mental health, and time.
1. Be Clear. When you set boundaries, you must be clear with the people you set them for by explaining what they can expect from you moving forward. This is what you will no longer do for them, how you will respond to behaviors, or what you will require.
2. Be Brief. Everyone doesn’t deserve an explanation as to why you decided to set a boundary; they have to respect it. However, should you decide to explain why, as I would for perhaps my adult child, be direct and to the point. The more you explain yourself, there is the increased likelihood that you will end up going back and forth with the individual. This will result in explaining yourself further, which the individual can mistake for an argument, which may make them feel they can convince you to change your mind.
3. Be Consistent. When you care about your job, or people, they can persuade you to do something “just this one time.” DON’T. While it may make you feel better to oblige (either to avoid confrontation or because you’re helping), the feeling is only temporary. Eventually, you will feel burdened again because it won’t be “just one time.” You have proven to them they can sway you, so they will keep pressuring you. The cycle will continue.
4. Keep the Focus on You. This is most difficult because when you set boundaries because people will say things like, “you’ve changed,” or “you think you better than me now,” or “you are being selfish,” you will question yourself. You are not selfish; you are being self-full. And while it will cost you some relationships, false words spoken about you, or insults spoken to you, having peace of mind is priceless. You owe it to yourself to protect your body, mind, and spirit.